I want to make clear the distinction between coaching and therapy, and how the professions could work together. I also created this page to help make more clear what type of support you are specifically getting when you invest in coaching because it is possible to confuse the two approaches, especially with so many different coaching models/approaches out there.

Working with both a relationship coach and a therapist concurrently can provide a powerful, holistic approach to personal growth and relationship enhancement. While these professionals have distinct roles, their combined efforts can create a synergistic effect, offering you comprehensive support in different aspects of your life.

Different Functions and Emphases

Relationship Coach:

• Future-Oriented: Focuses on setting and achieving specific relationship goals.
• Action-Driven: Provides practical tools, strategies, and exercises for immediate implementation.
• Skill-Building: Emphasizes developing communication, boundary-setting, and decision-making skills.
• Accountability: Offers regular check-ins and support to keep you on track with your goals.
• Situational Expertise: Provides targeted advice for navigating current relationship challenges.

Therapist:

• Past-Informed: Explores how past experiences shape current behaviors and feelings.
• Healing-Focused: Addresses underlying emotional issues, traumas, or mental health concerns.
• Insight-Driven: Helps you understand the ‘why’ behind your patterns and reactions.
• Clinical Expertise: Diagnoses and treats mental health conditions that may impact relationships.
• Deep Processing: Provides a space for processing complex emotions and experiences.

By leveraging the strengths of both coaching and therapy, you can address both the deeper psychological aspects of your relationships and the practical, day-to-day strategies for improvement. This collaborative approach can lead to more profound, lasting changes in your personal life and relationships.

Remember, open communication with both your coach and therapist about your concurrent work can enhance the effectiveness of this approach and ensure you’re receiving well-rounded, complementary support.

How a coach and mental health professional may differ in their approach to supporting clients with relationship issues:

Relationship Coach	Mental Health Professional
Clarifying relationship needs and values Example: Helping you identify what you truly want in a partner or relationship.	Diagnosing and treating mental health conditions Example: Assessing and treating clinical depression or anxiety disorders that may be affecting your relationships and overall well-being.
Developing communication strategies Example: Teaching techniques for expressing your feelings assertively.	Addressing past trauma and deep-seated emotional issues Example: Working through childhood abuse or neglect that impacts your ability to form healthy relationships.
Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries Example: Guiding you in saying “no” to excessive demands from a partner or family member without feeling guilty.	Providing clinical interventions for mental health disorders Example: Using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to treat social anxiety that affects your dating life.
Supporting conscious decision-making in relationships Example: Serving as an expert thought partner helping you weigh pros and cons of (for example) continuing a long-distance relationship or moving in together.	Exploring childhood experiences and their impact on current behavior Example: Analyzing how your parents’ divorce affects your trust issues in romantic relationships.
Providing tools for self-reflection in relational contexts Example: Guiding you through exercises to understand your attachment style and how it influences your relationships, or practical techniques to help calm your nervous system and stop ruminating.	Treating anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues Example: Providing therapy for generalized anxiety disorder that affects multiple areas of your life.
Offering practical exercises and support to enhance relationship skills Example: Role-playing or thinking through difficult conversations to improve conflict resolution skills with your partner.	Prescribing medication (in the case of psychiatrists) Example: Prescribing antidepressants to manage clinical depression that’s impacting your relationships and daily functioning.
Focus on present and future-oriented relationship goals Example: Creating a plan to build trust and deepen intimacy in your current relationship over the next six months or creating a plan to help you engage in relationships in healthy and sustainable ways.	In-depth analysis of past experiences and psychological patterns Example: Exploring recurring relationship patterns linked to unresolved issues from past relationships or family dynamics.

How They Work Together

Complementary Perspectives: A therapist delves into your past and underlying psychological patterns, while a coach focuses on your present circumstances and future goals. This dual approach provides a 360-degree view of your personal and relational landscape.

Balanced Support: Therapy helps you heal and understand yourself, while coaching empowers you to take action and make changes. This balance of introspection and action can accelerate your personal growth.

Reinforced Learning: Insights gained in therapy can be practically applied through coaching exercises, while coaching breakthroughs can provide material for deeper exploration in therapy.

Benefits and Examples of Concurrent Work:

• While the therapist helps uncover and heal deep-seated issues affecting self-esteem and relationship patterns, the coach provides practical tools to immediately improve communication and decision-making.
• The coach’s assertiveness exercises can be informed by the therapist’s insights into the client’s specific anxieties or traumas, making them more effective and tailored.
• As the therapist works on building overall self-confidence, the coach can help apply this growing confidence to specific relationship situations.
• The coach’s goal-setting and action plans can be adjusted based on the therapist’s ongoing assessment of the client’s emotional state and progress.
• The therapist’s work on processing fears can support the coach’s efforts in guiding the stay-or-leave decision, ensuring it’s made from a place of emotional clarity.

By working with both professionals, the client receives comprehensive support: addressing underlying issues, gaining practical skills, and having guidance in applying new insights to their specific relationship decision and future interactions.

Work With a Coach, Therapist, or Both?

Deciding whether to work with a relationship coach, a therapist, or both concurrently depends on your specific needs, goals, and current life situation. Here’s a guide to help you determine which path might be most beneficial for you:

Working with a Coach Exclusively

Consider working solely with a relationship coach if:

• You have clear, specific goals for your relationships or personal growth
• You’re seeking practical strategies and tools for immediate implementation
• You want to enhance your communication skills, set boundaries, or make decisions
• You’re generally emotionally stable but want to optimize your relationship dynamics
• You’re looking for accountability and structured support in achieving your goals
• You don’t have significant mental health concerns or unresolved traumas affecting your relationships

Working with a Therapist Exclusively

Consider working solely with a therapist first before investing in coaching if:

• You’re struggling with mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or trauma
• You have deep-seated emotional issues that are affecting your relationships
• You need to process past experiences or childhood events impacting your current behavior
• You’re dealing with addiction, severe stress, or other clinical concerns
• You’re experiencing a mental health crisis or having thoughts of self-harm
• You need a diagnosis or treatment for a mental health condition

Working with Both a Coach and Therapist Concurrently

Consider working with both a coach and therapist if:

• You have both immediate practical needs and underlying emotional issues to address
• You’re going through a major life transition that requires both strategic planning and emotional processing
• You want to work on relationship skills while also addressing past traumas or mental health concerns
• You’re seeking a holistic approach that combines action-oriented strategies with deep psychological work
• You have the time and resources to commit to both types of support

Remember, these paths are not mutually exclusive. You might start with one and later add the other, or work with both for a time and then focus on one. The key is to be honest about your needs and open to adjusting your support system as you grow and your needs evolve.

Always consult with professionals to get personalized advice on the best approach for your unique situation.

Who My Coaching Services Are Best Suited For

My relationship coaching services are designed to provide practical strategies, tools, and support for those looking to enhance their relationships and personal growth and who want skills and support for how to engage in relationships in healthy and sustainable ways.

My services are best suited for:

Individuals Concurrently Working with a Mental/Emotional Health Professional (such as a Therapist or Licensed Counselor): My coaching services complement therapeutic work really well. While your therapist helps you address underlying issues and past experiences, I can help you implement practical strategies, set goals, and make concrete changes in your current relationships and daily life.

And/or…

Individuals with Generally Stable Mental and Emotional Health, even if they are not working with a mental health professional/therapist: For example, if you’re not currently working with a therapist, my services are most effective for those who have: 

a) Overall emotional stability

• You can generally (most of the time) regulate your emotions without becoming too overwhelmed
• Example: After an argument, you can generally calm yourself down and think rationally about the situation (even if it takes some time to get to a more calm place).

b) No acute mental health issues requiring clinical intervention

• You’re not experiencing severe depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions that significantly impair your daily functioning
• Example: You’re able to maintain your work responsibilities if you are employed, social relationships, and self-care routines without major difficulties

c) The ability to self-reflect and be open to feedback

• You can honestly examine your own behaviors and are receptive to constructive feedback
• Example: When a friend points out that you interrupted them, you can acknowledge it and work on improving your listening skills

d) Motivation to make changes and put in effort between sessions

• You’re ready and committed to actively working on your personal growth when it comes to relationships, not just talk about it
• Example: You’re willing to practice new communication techniques with your partner between our coaching sessions

e) Generally effective coping mechanisms for day-to-day stress

• You generally turn to healthy ways to manage normal life stressors
• Example: When work gets stressful, you generally (most of the time) use things like exercise, meditation, or talking with friends to decompress, rather than turning to potentially self-destructive habits (such as alcohol or illegal substance use)

f) No recent major traumas or life crises that haven’t been processed

• You’re not in the immediate aftermath of a significant life upheaval or traumatic event
• Example: If you’ve recently gone through a divorce, you’ve had time to process the initial shock and are now ready to focus on moving forward

g) The capacity to focus on future-oriented goals

• You can actively envision and work towards the relationship and life you want, rather than feeling very stuck in past issues
• Example: You can articulate how you’d like your relationship or life to improve and are eager to take steps towards that vision

h) The willingness to take personal responsibility for your relationship experience

• You understand that while you can’t control others or all relationship outcomes, you can take responsibility for your own choices, responses, and experience of relationships
• Example: Instead of feeling powerless about your love life, you’re ready to examine how your patterns, choices, and behaviors shape your relationship experiences and create positive changes within your control

Your Mental Health is a Priority: If at any point during our coaching relationship, it becomes apparent that you might benefit from therapeutic support, I will compassionately discuss this with you and can provide referrals to qualified mental health professionals.

Remember, seeking support, whether through coaching, therapy, or both, is a sign of strength and a commitment to your personal growth and well-being. I’m here to support you on your journey to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.