Below is an expanded version of the tips that I provided on her blog.
Having awareness of these things is so important.
These things can sabotage a relationship before it even begins.
Not Being Intentional
There are different types of dating and types of relationships such as recreational dating (dating just for fun and recreation) and committed dating (dating to find a long-term partner).
Both are very different approaches and intentions toward dating.
But if you’re unsure of your intentions when you start dating or when you get into a relationship, for example, if you are dating “just for fun” or just to “see what happens” when what you really want is to find a long-term committed partner, you’re not going to attract a long-term committed partner if you’re putting yourself out there as “just for fun.”
Intention matters a lot in terms of attracting and having the kind of relationship that you really want.
Not Being Aware of Your Readiness for a Relationship
Wanting a relationship is not the same as being ready for one.
Being ready for a relationship means taking a look at all the important areas of your life and seeing if there’s anything there—whether it’s your finances, your relationship with your family or your ex, your marital status, etc.—that can interfere with the success of your new relationship.
Usually that means: are you able to be emotionally and physically available for a relationship?
For example, are you able to go out on dates and spend quality time with your significant other or are you too busy with work?
Are you able to be emotionally present to your relationship or are you always thinking about your ex or lamenting your previous relationship?
However, notice I said being aware of your readiness instead of saying “being ready.”
Readiness can mean different things to different people.
For example, if your significant other is a medical resident or just got a new job, their job responsibilities might make it difficult to plan frequent date nights.
Relationship readiness is not necessarily about being 100% ready.
There are times in every relationship where one or the other can’t always be there (for example, my husband was working on getting his Master’s degree a few years ago and had to spend every other weekend in Sacramento, 100 miles away).
You and your significant other might be at varying levels of readiness but what’s important is whether your needs or relationship requirements are being met.
Are you happy in the relationship? Is the relationship working for you?
Not Knowing Your Needs and relationship requirements
Needs are the things that we need to have happen in a relationship in order for the relationship to work for us.
What do you need in order to feel loved?
What do you need in order for the relationship to function?
And relationship requirements are the things that we require in order for a relationship to work; these are the non-negotiables.
What are your dealbreakers when it comes to relationships? Cheating? Addictions?
Each person has their own criteria.
It’s important to be clear about your own needs and relationship requirements because that awareness helps you be intentional in your relationships and helps you stand up for your needs and relationship requirements.
Not Managing Your Baggage
We all have a past.
Having baggage isn’t a bad thing; we all have baggage. We all have things in our life that that trigger our fears and insecurities.
Sometimes those fears can sabotage our relationship if we don’t know how to manage them.
But it’s not about getting rid of fear or getting rid of baggage.
Managing your baggage means being aware of what your triggers are and doing the inner work necessary to not let them interfere with the success of your relationship.
Not Having a Shared Vision
Everyone, whether they are conscious of it or not, has a vision for the kind of life and relationship that they really want.
When you’re in a relationship, it’s important that you and your partner not only support each other’s vision, but also that you have a shared vision for the kind of future that you want together.
It’s also important that you regularly check in on how to work together on achieving that vision.
Having a shared vision, a shared path, helps ensure that you are growing together rather than growing apart.
Dating a Divorced or Separated Man and Need Personalized Relationship Help?
All relationship situations are different, especially if you’re involved with a separated or divorced man. There are complexities you may not have dealt with before in a dating situation. His kids. His ex. His marital status. And all the drama in between.
How do you overcome the dreaded “waiting”?
Does HE lack boundaries with his ex and kids, or are YOU the one who’s being intolerant?
How do you get him to prioritize you and your relationship??
I totally feel you. I’ve been in the same boat. I’ve dated my share of separated and divorced men back in the day.
And…I’m happily married to and have kids of my own with one, too!
If you’re feeling stuck, confused, or frustrated in your relationship and want personalized solutions, I can help.
If you’re suffering, you don’t have to continue suffering. I promise. Sometimes you just don’t know what you don’t know. Let’s talk about how to overcome the relationship challenges you’re facing.
In a private 1-on-1 Relationship Clarity Session, you’ll get personalized dating and relationship help for your specific dating issue so that you can successfully navigate the complexities of dating a divorced man and know exactly what you’re getting into, overcome the challenges, and consciously create the deeply fulfilling relationship you want!
Ready to improve your relationship and overall happiness? Click the button below to get all the details, view my calendar (I usually have some openings every week), and conveniently book a session:
How to Decide if He’s Right for You
Download my free Relationship Choice Assessment to help you get started. In my free guide you’ll discover:
- 30 questions to ask yourself to help you decide if you should give him a chance or if you’re wasting your time
- 22 red flags you should be aware of if you want to avoid heartbreak and painful surprises
- How to assess your compatibility with your partner to know if your relationship has long-term potential
Download my free guide Should You Stay or Go? Relationship Choice Assessment: