One of the most common concerns women have when it comes to dating a divorced or separated man is whether or not he is over his previous relationship and ready for new love.
We’ve all jumped into a new relationship before we were ready and most of us, at some point or another, have been someone else’s rebound relationship.
Recently, in the “Dear Prudence” Advice Column on Slate.com, Prudence answered a question from a recently divorced man who “wants to date a lot without being a jerk:”
My dilemma is that I really like the person I’m dating, but I recently met someone else who interests me. I don’t want to break off a good relationship to go on a date with the new person, only to find that we don’t have much in common. Because I plan to be serially monogamous indefinitely, I need to figure this out now. How do I try out a new relationship while gently easing out of my old one, without crossing cheating boundaries and maligning my good name?
The phrase he used was “serial monogamy.”
I thought this was really interesting.
And so…I decided to come up with my own response to his question in the form of an article for my readers.
Let me break down what he really means by “serial monogamy” and wanting to “date a lot without being a jerk” and what this tells us about his readiness for a relationship.
When he says he want serial monogamy, what he really wants is a “mini-marriage,” an exclusive dating relationship where he gets to promise commitment and even act committed without actually being committed.
Commitment, in my opinion, is not only a relationship status, but it is also an attitude.
To outside observers, his serial monogamy might appear as a committed relationship, after all he’s dating exclusively.
The problem with serial monogamy and mini-marriages is that he gets his physical, social, and emotional needs met but he’s still unclear about the future of the relationship; he still doesn’t know what he ultimately wants.
At least in recreational dating, both parties know that this is just for fun.
In committed dating, both parties know that the other looking for their long-term or marriage partner.
But in serial monogamy or “mini-marriages”, one or both people don’t know what they want.
As a result, the ambiguity and unconsciousness can be disastrous.
This is where people get their hearts broken.
In a “mini-marriage” he’s not just dating recreationally, he’s jumping into being an “instant couple.” He’s jumping into being in a relationship, without really being conscious about his readiness and what he really wants in a relationship.
He’s just looking to have his short-term needs met, which is not a problem if he’s dating recreationally and both parties are aware of the other’s desire to date recreationally, dating to just have fun and satisfy social needs. But in serial monogamy, there’s none of that awareness and conscious action.
He’s still unclear about whether he’s ready to be in a long-term committed relationship.
He’s still in test-drive mode.
We know how that story goes and that it rarely winds up with a happy ending.
So can he successfully have “serial monogamy” and “date a lot without being a jerk”?
In my opinion, it can’t be done—not without being a jerk.
You can’t say you’re committed, even when you’re exclusive for the duration of your relationship, when you’re actually dating recreationally and you’re ultimately unsure if commitment is what you really want—not without hurting people in the process.
Is He Ready for a Relationship?
But people deal with divorce and separation in different ways and at different rates.
This means there isn’t really a “one-size-fits-all” answer to how long it takes someone to heal after a marriage ends.
After the end of a significant relationship, it may take a couple months, a couple years, or even longer before he might be emotionally ready and available for a new relationship.
But what does relationship readiness really mean?
It means a number of things.
But ultimately, it means knowing what you want and being conscious about how you’re going to get it.
“A successful committed relationship depends on being ready physically, emotionally, financially, legally, and spiritually for the life and relationship you want.” (David Steele, author of Conscious Dating)
How do you know if he’s ready? Here are some guidelines from Conscious Dating that define what readiness means:
- He knows what he wants
He has a clear vision for his life and relationship. He can envision his perfect life in rich detail that feels strong, very real and keeps him motivated.
- He know his relationship requirements
He knows his nonnegotiable relationship requirements (has around 6 – 10 of them) that he can use for screening potential partners. He is clear that if any are missing, a relationship will not work for him.
- He is happy and successful being single
He enjoys his life, his work, his family, his friends, and his own company. He is living the life that he wants, and he is not seeking a relationship out of desperation and need.
- He is ready and available for commitment
He has no emotional or legal baggage from a previous relationship. His schedule, commitments, and lifestyle allow his availability to build a new relationship.
- He is satisfied with his work/career
His work is fulfilling, supports his lifestyle, and does not interfere with his availability for a new relationship.
- He is healthy in mind, body, and spirit
His physical, mental, or emotional health does not interfere with having the life and relationship that he wants. He is reasonably happy and feels good.
- His financial and legal business are handled
He has no financial or legal issues that would interfere with having the life and relationship that he wants.
- His family relationships are functional
His relationships with his children, ex, siblings, parents, and extended family do not interfere with having the life and relationship that he wants.
- He has effective dating skills
He initiates contact with people he wants to meet, and disengages from people who are not a match for him. He keep his physical and emotional boundaries, and balances his heart with his head with potential partners.
- He has effective relationship skills
He understands relationships, can maintain closeness and intimacy, communicate authentically and assertively, negotiate differences positively, allow myself to trust and be vulnerable, and can give and receive love without emotional barriers.
The above relationship readiness guidelines can also be super insightful considerations for your own life in assessing your own readiness.
Other Signs That Indicate His Readiness for New Love
- He Refers to Himself as Single
People who are ready for a new relationship consider themselves to be single.
They aren’t divorced, separated, widowed, etc. They’re single.
Now, important caveat, this doesn’t mean he isn’t also one of those other things—it means he sees himself as available.
However, I’m sure you’ve met men who consider themselves “available” but they aren’t really available to date (in the way you’d like them to be available) because maybe he’s still living with his ex-wife (pending a divorce) or his divorce is highly, highly contentious and takes up all of his immediate time and resources.
So, “single” is a mindset. But it is also a relationship status. Notice where your guy is with both.
- He Doesn’t Bad-Mouth His Ex
There will be times when he has to mention his ex-wife simply because she is the mother of his children., for example.
If he calls her by her name or refers to her as “their mother”, there is a good chance that his mental attitude towards her is a healthy one.
And what I really mean by this is that when you’re trying to decide whether he’s ready for new love, notice how he talks about his ex.
If he’s even-keel and not harboring a lot of emotional energy there, whether it’s resentment or other emotions, chances are he’s not emotionally preoccupied with his past relationship and his heart might be open to new love.
I once has a boyfriend who referred to his ex-wife as “that stupid bitch.”
Take heed.
Calling his ex-wife anything derogatory (next to signifying immaturity) often indicates that he may have strong feelings, even if they are negative feelings, that are still unresolved.
- He is Happy for Her When She Moves On
Building on my last point…pay attention to how he refers to and interacts with his ex.
If his ex has found someone new and the guy you’re dating is either unaffected or even genuinely happy for her, that might a good sign that he isn’t still emotionally enmeshed with his ex-wife.
But that’s not to say that he shouldn’t care about her moving on.
If he has qualms about her new love interest as it relates to her relationship’s impact on his and his ex-wife’s kids, that’s a different story.
It’s important to distinguish whether any feelings that do come up are actually about his ex or whether they are about the kids.
- He Isn’t Hesitant for You to Meet Her, His Family, or His Friends
In fact, he shouldn’t be hesitant to introduce you to all the important people in his life (except maybe the kids but that depends on how long you have been dating and is a whole topic all on its own).
When men are emotionally ready to start a new relationship and they find someone special, they will want to share that with the other people in their lives—he will want to normalize his relationship.
If he is keeping you a secret or wants to keep you separate from the rest of his life, he may not be ready to let go of the past and share a normal dating life together.
If you are dating someone who is separated, rather than divorced, this can be a tricky one.
When a man is separated, he may feel ready to move on but other people in his life, to whom he might still have obligations, may not be ready for him to do so.
- He Isn’t Trying to Set Any Speed Records
There is an old saying that the best way to get over a person is to get under someone else. And this is advice that some men take to heart. I’m not against casual relationships if they are created transparently and consciously.
When a man is recently separated or divorced, often there is an unmistakable void…a void of all the familiar comforts of being in a long-term relationship.
The impulse to fill that void might cause him to rush into a relationship without being truly conscious about what he really wants or who he’s hooking up with.
It takes time to heal from the end of a significant relationship.
If he’s recently divorced and wants to take it slow by taking the time to get to know you before rushing into becoming an instant couple or a mini-marriage, it’s likely a good sign that he wants to be mindful about his own readiness for a relationship.
- He Can Share His Past with You
But talking about his ex and being preoccupied with his ex are two different things.
If he starts telling you a story about his ex out of the blue that doesn’t help you get to know him better or he becomes very negative about her, take note and proceed with caution.
Everyone has a past and if he has a healthy relationship with his past, he will be able to recount his stories, even if it involves taking about his ex, in the same way he would relate a similar story involving a friend.
When we have dealt with the hurt feelings and lost future of a failed relationship, we can share memories, tell stories, and talk about our own personal history with a certain level of retrospective detachment, without getting worked up.
- He Doesn’t Feel Like He Has to Hide Her
The fact is that your new man and his ex-wife have children together which means they are going to remain in close contact for a long, long time.
But if he’s open, transparent, cares about what you think and invites you into deeper understanding—instead of becoming defensive—it’s speaks to his relationship maturity and potential readiness for a new relationship.
Being open doesn’t mean that he gives you a weekly rundown of every text, email, or conversation he has with his ex. It just means that if he takes a phone call in the middle of dinner and you ask who it was, he will be honest.
If he is angry, jealous, secretive, etc. whenever anything having to do with her comes up or happens, chances are he’s not really over her and he’s not ready to move on.
But if he seems to have a healthy relationship with his ex-wife, this is actually a good thing because it indicates that they have established a new post-divorce or post-separation relationship based around being parents.
This isn’t a comprehensive “list of signs” of course. But they’re important things to consider as you navigate a complicated relationship.
But I want to add one more really important thing.
We’re Going About It All Wrong
We shouldn’t stress out about HIS readiness.
“What?! I thought this article is about how to know if he’s ready for a relationship???”
When we’re frustrated and worrying about whether he’s ready for a relationship, one thing is usually happening: our needs and relationship requirements are not being met in the relationship. And so, conflict arises.
But when we ask “Is he ready?”, we’re asking the wrong question. Here’s why:
We cannot determine or control his readiness. This is something that he’s responsible for.
He’s responsible for knowing what he wants.
He’s responsible for his own readiness and availability for commitment.
He’s responsible for taking care of his own emotional and legal baggage from his previous relationship.
He’s responsible for taking care of his own physical, mental and emotional health.
He’s responsible for choosing whether he wants to learn and acquire effective dating and relationship skills.
He’s responsible for choosing whether he wants to give and receive love without any emotional barriers.
We get frustrated waiting and wondering and hoping he’ll get his sh*t together be ready.
The truth is, we don’t have ANY control over that.
We don’t have any control over his readiness.
AND, it’s not up to us to judge whether he’s right or wrong to be ready or not ready for a relationship.
I know, that is a tough call. But at the end of the day, he’s responsible for the outcomes in his life.
What we can control and judge is our own knowing of what’s right for our self.
Asking ourselves, “Is he ready?” ultimately doesn’t help us because it turns our focus and energy toward trying to do something his experience of the relationship.
But that’s not our domain. We can’t control his experience of the relationship.
But what we can control is how we choose to experience a relationship.
What’s important when trying to decide whether he’s right for you is being keenly aware of your own experience of the relationship.
Instead of asking “Is he ready?” the questions we should be asking are…
“Is this relationship meeting my needs and relationship requirements?”
“Am I ready for a relationship if the man of my dreams walked into my life today?”
“Is this the relationship experience that I truly want?”
Parts of this post’s content was adapted with permission from the Relationship Coaching Institute.
Whatever the issues are in your relationship, if you find yourself agonizing over questions like…
Is this relationship worth it??
Should I give him a chance or walk away??
I totally get you. I felt the same way when I was dating, which is why I created a free guide to help you get clarity.
In my free guide you’ll discover:
- 30 questions to ask yourself to help you decide if you should give him a chance or if you’re wasting your time
- 22 red flags you should be aware of if you want to avoid heartbreak and painful surprises
- How to assess your compatibility with your partner to know if your relationship has long-term potential
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Hi Melissa!
I talked too you about my relationship with a newly separated man last year.
His emotional unavailability took its toll and I ended up taking a break for two months.
He wasn’t very happy about that!
I realized there was a lot of things I needed to work on myself! And i dud that during the separation and asked that he contact me when he was divorced.
He DID. . within the hour. And we’ve been talking. And renegotiating for 3 months now.
And after reading this, I realize he’s STILL not ready.
I think he realizes this too, but doesn’t really want to let go. And I think he’s wanting to reconcile in the future, But knows. ..with me, anything goes! And that I’ll stand by my needs.
Needs we both agree, he can’t fulfill right now.
What do you think about remaining friends? No benefits _:-)
He’s ALREADY in another rebound. And being ambiguous with her, too.
Because he still flirts like mad with me. And tells me he loves me
In your opinion, is he confused? Or just a jerk??
Hi Kay! I remember you! Thanks for your comment.
I think you want to remain friends, it’s really going to come to boundaries. How do you want your friendship to be? What does friendship mean? What does that look like? And what does it NOT look like?
Friendship is a relationship, too, even if it’s not a romantic or sexual relationship. So I think the same considerations apply. If you want to remain friends, what do you need and require in order for your friendship to work? As you mentioned, it sounds like he’s not meeting your needs as a romantic partner because he’s still unsure about a lot of things…so you’re considering maybe being friends.
Sometimes it can get sticky…especially if you were previously lovers…but I think if you’re both really clear on the boundaries of this friendship (physical, emotional boundaries, etc.), I think a friendship could work.
Clarity on needs, standing by them, and clear boundaries are going to be your best tools.
And to your other question…Is he confused or just a jerk?
It’s hard to say. I’m not in his head so I’m not sure what his true intentions are. He might genuinely not know what he wants. Or he might indeed know what he wants, but he just enjoys leading women on. Who knows? Either way, whether he’s conscious or unconscious of what he’s doing…it sounds like his mixed messages are having the same result: the ambiguity risks hurting people.
But I acknowledge you for standing by your needs because that’s one of the big antidotes to falling for a man’s “I don’t know what I want” trap.
When we don’t know our needs and when we don’t stand by them, we end up feeling like we’re “settling”; we end up less than happy because in our settling we, in part, deny what’s truly meaningful to us in a relationship.
When you know and stand by your need and requirements, you’re really honoring and making space for the relationship that you truly want.
All the best,
Melissa
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Hi Melissa,
I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed reading the free guide! I have been dating a divorced man for about 4 months now, and while I think it’s off to a healthy start, the guide has definitely helped me get more perspective on what I should be thinking about and looking at. Thanks so much for sharing!
Sincerely,
Tiara
Hi Tiara, Thank you so much! I’m so glad you are getting value out of it. 🙂
All the best,
Melissa
[…] If he is going through a divorce, he has issues that he has to resolve with regard to the dissolution of his marriage (such as issues with regard to their estate, finances or kids) and that could be interfering with his readiness for a new relationship. […]
[…] the early warning signs and understanding what they are can give you valuable insight into his and your relationship readiness, and might give you the opportunity to change the course of the […]
Hello Melissa. The man ive been talking to for 2 months has been divorced for a year and a half because his wife cheated. We talk a few days and then nothing from him for 3 to 5 days . Never hear from him on weekends. I’ve seen him once in the beginning for a weekend. He is still so sad. It showed physically. But we had some good times. When he does call or text he always tells me I make him feel happy. He tells me he loves me but that he is having a hard time and so angry. And he don’t want to lose me and ask me to wait till the time it’s right. He says he can’tgive me what I deserve but wants to one day. My question is ….should I let him go ? I’m sad a lot . I miss him. It hurts me when he doesn’t call or respond . He has been honest and does not want me to get mad at him . But I would just hate to lose contact with him. Should I let him go?
Hi Amy,
I feel your concern. Even though he’s divorced, it sounds like he still has some healing to do in terms of getting over his previous relationship. He still has a lot of emotional energy toward his previous relationship and it is interfering with his ability to be emotionally present to your relationship with him.
And when we experience issues in our relationship, like feeling sad and hurt, it points to a need that we have that is not getting met. It sounds like reciprocal communication is very important to you and makes you feel loved and cared for. But he is unable or unwilling to offer that kind of reciprocal communication because he is still preoccupied with his previous relationship.
The decision of whether or not to let him go is a very personal decision. I have an article where I go deeper into explaining whether you should wait for someone to be ready for a relationship after a divorce and what to do if he’s not ready for a relationship; you might find those articles helpful.
You have think through whether you want to stay (which may mean not getting your needs met for a while while he’s directing his energy toward getting over his previous relationship) or you can move on. If you do move on, you do risk losing contact with him, but leaving a relationship that is not meeting your needs frees you to be available for a relationship that will meet your needs and that might be a better fit for your long-term happiness. But you could also wait and take that chance that things will improve. It depends on what really matters to you and whether or not you’re willing to wait.
I hope this helps provide some guidance!
all the best,
Melissa
[…] Sometimes those mixed messages are a sign that he doesn’t know what he wants and that he has some growing to do in terms of getting ready for a committed relationship. […]
I just wanted to say thank you, thank you, thank you. Your articles have answered many of my questions I’ve had about dating a guy who has a divorce pending. I’m going to back off and start creating my list of what i want and what i need to do to continually prepare. Your articles have given me hope that i just don’t have to take any guy due to the small dating pool here. It has been fear based. I appreciate your clarity on how i can change it. Thank you for your wisdom!
Hi Laura, Thanks so much for your comment. You’re so welcome! I’m so glad this content is helpful to you. It was my goal to create the resource site that I wish I had had when I was dating a divorcing man. I’m glad to know it is helping people a great deal and providing a lot of clarity. 🙂
All the best,
Melissa
Hi, so I am a guy that fits in this scenario and would like to comment. I would say I’m some 70% over my divorce (working through the rest). I like this article re the ‘were going about this all wrong’. I entered into a relationship too soon and was open about where I was, needing to take this slow etc. Although she acknowledged my reservations & we agreed to take it slow, I seemed to fit her list of wants/needs as an ideal partner for commitment that she decided she wanted now. I got the feeling of ‘I found a good one, the dating pool is small, so I need to lock him down quick’. Things progressed rapidly and quickly became me being berated each date for not being ready but her refusing to let go at the same time. That added pressure made me feel like I was regressing so I ended things as gently as I could. We tried friends but that started to become with benefits which then led to expectations and the cycle happened again. Separating stung both of us but we managed to put the relationship to rest without further heartache.
Both sides are responsible for their actions. Over the last 6 months I have had occasional platonic dates (coffee or lunch seems to work best) with 3 women who are in similar situations to me, and just wanted some male company from time to time. It’s feels weird to write that last sentence and not sound like I’m playing the field. Maybe I am, but with boundaries. There’s no drama, the ‘dates’ are very occasional, and we all seem to heal a bit. One is now in a relationship and am I happy for her, and grateful for the company we shared for a while.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Sorry to hear that it ended the way that it ended. But your story highlights a really important point in that relationship success is not necessarily about each partner being 100% READY for a relationship, so much as it is about each partner having their needs and requirements met.
For example, many people are in various states of major transition in their life…whether it is due to career changes, marital status changes or financial status changes, to name a few. But those things only become a problem really when someone’s needs and requirements are not being met. It sounded like she wanted deeper levels of commitment sooner rather than later (everyone’s needs are valid; everyone has their own needs and requirements) — and it just wasn’t something you were able to be available for at the time, which is totally ok; that’s just where you were in your readiness and transition process.
And it’s ok to want to date recreationally for a while (just for fun and for social activities, with no intention of commitment) if that is what you want. There are different kinds of dating. I just tell people that the important thing is to be very clear with your date what your intentions are — whether you’re dating just for fun or dating to find “the one” — so it minimizes people getting hurt.
All the best,
Melissa
[…] Being ready for a relationship means taking a look at all the important areas of your life and seeing if there’s anything there—whether it’s your finances, your relationship with your family or your ex, your marital status, etc.—that can interfere with the success of your relationship. […]
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[…] it boils down to a relationship readiness issue; he realizes that he doesn’t want or feel ready for a […]
Hello Melissa,
I’ve started dating my boyfriend November 2015 when he was separated. In May 2016 he got divorced and in April 2017 I had the talk that I was unhappy because I want progression and he said he’s not ready and it could take a year or more for marriage, etc. I told him that I loved him and I don’t give up on the people who I love. We are still together going strong.However, I still feel like he’s not fully emotional. I’m turning 35 in September and I have a lot of anxiety about the future of our relationship. We have amazing chemistry and a solid connection. Any advice for me? It will be 2 years we are together this November.
Hi Liz, Thanks so much for reaching out. I hear you, it’s hard…and easy to lose patience when you’ve been waiting a long time to finally have a “normal” relationship. I encourage you to have heart-to-heart talk with him about your vision for the future. Both you need to share your hopes and intentions about the future of your relationship to really see if you’re on the same page about where this relationship is going.
It’s great that you both have an amazing connection and chemistry….but do you have a shared vision for where this relationship is going? Are you both on the same path and want to go to the same place? That’s what you have to find out.
And if you do have a shared vision and are on the same page about where this relationship is going, it’s important to also try and talk to him about what’s holding him back from going there, what’s keeping him stuck. It could be that he’s still healing from the fallout of his marriage….depending on how long they were married and whether they have kids and how bad the divorce was….healing could take time. What’s in the way of him feeling ready? There is no single answer to the question “How long does it take to recover from divorce?” It’s hard to tell exactly how long it will take because there’s no one way to get through it and every situation is different in it’s complexity.
Meanwhile, you have needs, too. And your needs matter. And while you’re waiting for him to figure it out, your needs are going unmet. So you have to decide, how long is worth it for you to wait for him to figure it out? What is it costing you to wait?
I hope this helps provide some guidance!
Blessings,
Melissa
I have been out of my previous marriage for 14 months. Since that time I have declared myself as single. I was officially divorced 4 months ago. I had many years to emotionally remove myself from the marriage. I stayed for years for the kids. I met a great woman 2 months ago. She claims my saying wife a few times instead of ex means I still have feelings. I talk to my ex only when dealing with my 1 minor child. Usually every 2 weeks. The whole saying wife instead of ex has really caused some problems. My current relationship had gone through something like this before. I can’t speak on that relationship. I can on mine and know where my heart and intentions are. They are with the new woman. She doesn’t see it in guess. I reassure her but it hasn’t seemed to help. I really feel like we are doomed with her previous experience and comparing me to another.
Hi Calvin, Thanks so much for reaching out. I hear you. Despite your reassurances and knowing how you feel inside about your girlfriend, she’s still concerned that you’re not over your ex.
Actually some recent science says that these “Freudian slips” may indicate our deep feelings and connection to the person we’re mistakenly addressing. For example, in your previous marriage, you had a deep connection to your wife. Your girlfriend now holds a similar role and regard in your life (as you had had with your wife previously) which is why your brain is mixing up the two sometimes, according to this recent research study.
But science aside, this may be triggering some deeper insecurities in your girlfriend.
What I look for when a client is concerned that her boyfriend is not over his ex is whether he is emotionally preoccupied with his previous relationship. It doesn’t sound like that’s the case for you. It sounds like your brain has had these mix-ups. But you are emotionally present to your current relationship.
But your girlfriend may have experienced betrayals in her past that making it difficult for her to trust. I would talk to her gently about it. Ask her what can you do to help her trust you and make her feel more secure. Connect with her on a deep level. Really hear her. Trust is built over time and begins with and is sustained by deep connection.
But she may have wounds from previous relationships that are being triggered by this. So having a heart-to-heart with each other so you can understand where one another is coming from will help greatly in deepening trust and intimacy.
I hope this helps provide some guidance!
All the best,
Melissa
Im seeing a man who has split from his wife over 10 mts ago. He calls her the bitch which i find bad but understand. His friends always have something to say and tell him everything she dose. Iv got kis he dosent want kids as his are grown up im 8 yrs younger. But he is amazing in the bedroom dose things to me iv never felt before. Im head over heels for him i think but he says he loves me as a person. We break up every few weeks but always get back together. Everyone reckon his great with the kids but he just says its not going to work iv tryed to give him up but cant seem to shake him help please
Hi Bert, Thanks so much for reaching out. I hear you. It’s really hard to move on when you’re in love. If you are trying to move on, I encourage avoiding contact with him for at least eight weeks (because staying in contact will make it harder for you to heal) and, in the meantime, focus on creating and living your vision for the life that you want (career, friends, family, community)…focus on YOU. I hope this helps provide some guidance!
All the best,
Melissa
Hi Melissa, I met a French (divorced) guy online (I’m from Asia) through a professional site. He reached out to me, introduced himself and said he wanted to get to know me. We have known each other for two months. At first, I was just answering his questions (if I had a family, what my hobbies were, etc.) I was sort of going with the flow, but eventually, our conversations went deeper and romantic. We did not not have an actual labeled relationship, but we exchanged messages like that of lovers. Until he said he has already fallen in love with someone else – same nationality as his and same age. He said he wants us to stay in contact, as friends. He has been divorced for a year now. I wonder if he could really be in love at this stage – he met the girl just recently through a common interest. Honestly, I think he has been desperate to have a girlfriend – he reached out to me and became romantic with me even if I live in another continent, and then now, he already has fallen in love with a girl that he just recently met in person. With his behavior, do you think he really is in love and ready for a relationship?
Hi Amee, Thanks so much for your question! It’s really hard to tell whether he is truly in love and ready for a relationship right now with the information given.
His readiness for a relationship depends on a number of factors and, in truth, he is the only one who knows how ready he is.
We can speculate all we want, but what really matters is OUR experience with him.
What I encourage women to do when they have this experience with a man is to ask themselves:
As he is right now, does he fit into the vision for the kind of life and relationship that I want?
Can he meet my needs and requirements?
Am I happy being with him?
The answer to these questions will tell you a lot about whether you should continue seeing him or not.
I hope this helps provide some guidance!
Love,
Melissa